The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 - SIGH!!
First off, this is the first wedding I ever cried during. No, not because it was romantic or believable, but because I knew that this was the beginning of two hours of my life I’ll never get back. It...
View ArticleImmortals dies an early death
The “Immortals” dies an early death by way of being forgotten. Tarsem Singh showed that he was willing to be, and capable of being, really creative and having a very singular aesthetic. The scenes from...
View ArticleBitter Balcony reflects on 2011
I commence our late recap in film by thanking all the studios out there for releasing EVERY movie produced in 2011 within the span of ten days! The “let me save my dysfunctional family by building a...
View ArticleNorwegian Ninja - The Nords attempt a B-movie
Bitter Balcony reported about “Norwegian Ninja” a few months back and after all that time we’ve finally been able to sit and enjoy it’s B-movie antics… or did we?The movie’s synopsis is as simple as it...
View ArticleThe Secret World of Arrietty... another cookie cutter Miyazaki film
“The Secret World of Arrietty” is another Studio Ghibli film. It is a film based on the novel and old TV series, “The Borrowers”. Little people live in a house with big people and try to get...
View ArticleHunger Games - Board games have more action
The “Hunger Games” have finally arrived. Much like the characters in this movie everyone is anxious to enjoy how interesting this film is only to realize that the premise is handled as blandly as one...
View ArticleCabin in the Woods
Your typical group goes off to your typical cabin far away in the woods where help would be hard to find. The characters are your standard horror film characters; the jock, the sexy cheerleader...
View ArticleThe Raven - John Cusack as Poe is full of wit and win!
“The Raven” is the fictional story of the bizarre events in Edgar Allan Poe’s final days before he was found half-dead on a bench. In this tale, a killer is using his previously published works as...
View ArticleThe Avengers Assemble in all the ways we hoped!
After years of teasing and ruining some movies (see “Iron Man 2”) “The Avengers” is finally upon us! Typically Bitter Balcony has some opinions that don’t quite jive with the current thoughts on a...
View ArticleDark Shadows should have remained in the shadows where no one can see!
“Dark Shadows” has finally been released from its coffin and allowed to roam free. Much like every Tim Burton remake, er, de-make, this film disappoints. For the first time though, he hasn’t taken the...
View ArticleBattleship - Let us hope it sinks and we never see it again! #LouNoble
One of the blogs I follow is photographer Lou Noble's blog. Typically, he posts up photos he takes, but a few days ago he posted the greatest favor he has ever done for us. He took the bullet and...
View ArticlePrometheus brings us fire, so we can burn this film down
“Prometheus” appeared on our radar with a fantastic trailer that really gave us hope it would be a very well done sci-fi film with some hints of horror, to tie it in to “Alien”. Many touted this film...
View ArticleAbraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter tells Your American History Teacher to Suck...
Revisionist History, ye spite me!!! For anyone that felt offended Quentin Tarantino spun the end of the Nazi reign as a cowboy-up revenge yarn in “Inglorious Basterds,” will now mark the day “Abraham...
View ArticleHow amazing is The Amazing Spiderman?
After many COUGH not many enough COUGH long years we finally get that “Spiderman” reboot that we didn’t really ask for or want. Admittedly, the four-minute trailer really gave us the impression that...
View ArticleWe Need to Talk About Kevin, but I Wish We Wouldn't Have to!!!
Massacres in workplaces and schools appear to be a tragic reoccurrence in the fabric of American society. While many arguments have been presented to dissect the reasons of such unfathomable, massive...
View ArticleWhere's My Kuato? Unfortunately, Not the Only Thing Missing from 2012's Total...
When the preview of the new “Total Recall” premiered, I was bemused by how uninspired it looked. How could a movie derived from one of the best Sci-Fi adventures of the 90’s be so potentially flat? I...
View ArticleBranded - A film about advertising that can't even advertise itself well.
For starters, for a movie about advertising, this film has no idea how to market what it really is. What you get from the trailer and what you see in the film are completely different experiences. Of...
View ArticleResident Evil: Retribution takes its revenge on our wanting to watch good films.
During my time of writing reviews I can say that I’ve seen many terrible films. I dislike some and like a very small few. If I’m lucky I hate, and I mean, “Every single copy should be burned,” hate...
View ArticleFrankenweenie rises from the dead! Or at least he's back from the archives.
Tim Burton returns to making movies that truly fit him. Movies that are not remakes, but original ideas. Sure this is actually a remake, but as a remake of his work and ideas I let it slide. Burton has...
View ArticleThe Bourne Legacy Makes Us Miss, Say It, MmmmmmAAAAAaaaaaTTTTTTtttt...
There’s always a huge risk when both the star and the director of a successful, if not groundbreaking, film series depart, forcing a franchise to justify it’s continuation, transcend the established...
View ArticleDredd... this movie not
We all remember the mess that was the ’95 version of “Judge Dredd” with Stalone. The movie had some interesting ideas, but the execution was very bland and just not good. The comic relief character...
View ArticleBen Affleck Saves Americans, and His Career, in Argo!!!
“There are no second acts in American lives” quoted the legendary Jazz Age author F. Scott Fitzgerald. Perhaps, but when it comes to Hollywood, careers most certainly do. Case in point, Ben Affleck,...
View ArticleYippie Ki, Meh! A Good Day to Die Hard.
As I contemplated “A Good Day to Die Hard,” I came with two simple conclusions about this borderline Looney Tunes action buffet of a movie. First, I love John McClane (Bruce Willis). This wisecracking,...
View ArticleThe Un-Bonding of 007: Quantum of Solace.
Strawberry Fields (Gemma Arterton), a perky MI6 office clerk sent to help a brooding James Bond (Daniel Craig), is left dead on top of a bed of a five- star hotel room, her beautiful figure drenched in...
View ArticleDeconstructing James: The Balcony Visits Skyfall!!!
"Everybody needs a hobby” is the snide James Bond (Daniel Craig) remarks while tied to a chair by his nemesis Silva (Javier Bardem) as he attempts to convince 007 to join his extortionist army. Silva...
View ArticleMoore is Less in A View to a Kill.
Roger Moore’s take of Ian Fleming’s narcissistic hero James Bond is likely topped by better interpretations from 007’s old and new. Yet the charmingly fluffy Moore holds a soft spot in my heart. One of...
View ArticleIs Beyond the Black Rainbow staying beyond its welcome?
“Beyond the Black Rainbow” is an attempt by Panos Cosmatos to make a vibey/weird horror film in the vein of some of the horror films from the ‘80s. There are long scenes that aren’t about much more...
View ArticleEvil Dead returns from the dead... and it's evil... sorta...
"Evil Dead" has been remade into a more serious/non-campy horror film and the results are surprisingly entertaining. This is not to say it’s a fantastic film you’ll want to own and watch over and over,...
View ArticleDreamworld... hardly.
While watching this film I first thought, "this Director of Photography should never make another film again." Then the characters drew me in a bit. That only lasted so long before I thought, "the...
View ArticleGozilla - Who wants to see the titular character anyway?
BIG SIGH!Godzilla… He’s (sometimes she) a big lizard stomping around the city mashing up shit. This is what the real fans want to see. Instead we get tease after tease after tease and no real “Holy...
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